Volume 33b

Made plans to go to Elk today with James. Hank had called earlier, suggested Usal, and I was enthusiastic about that, until I watched the weather reports last evening. Pete Giddings said the wind would drop last night and stay down, which is hard to believe, as it was quite windy yesterday.

So it didn't look so promising. Hank decided not to go after all. So James and I planned to go to Elk instead. Also talked to Tom Denny, Ivan, Anne, Bones and Sharol about weekend plans.

Monday, April 23, 1984 - 6:13 AM

A full flying weekend, which ended on a negative note, unfortunately, as the Scout broke down, and I had to leave it in Hopland.

On Saturday morning, James arrived, and we headed to Elk in the Scout. I thought I heard a slight noise in the running gear, but it went away and I thought all was okay.

We stopped at Rich's, where we found Stretch and Anne, said hi to Rich and Jan. Then the four of us headed to Elk, as it was already windy, and Rich would come over later with Erin.

Wally had a truckload (17 gliders) of students, so we got started to get to the top before them. On top were Tom and Denise, who were hiking their gliders in, having parked her 2WD truck before the big steep hills.

We soon got set up, and launched into the NW winds, which were soarable.

7:17 AM

Continuing (after a shower and breakfast)... The skies got pretty crowded as we were all soaring the ridge and out the north spine, where occasional light thermals would come through, but we could never get more than 700' over at best. Eventually the air thinned, as Wally's students got launched and headed out.

There were some close calls as we soared the ridge, one where a glider was coming straight toward me, neither of us knowing what to do 'til we both turned right to miss each other.

Heading out after over two hours, it was trash all the way down. Made my setup to the west, a downwind pass, a 180 over the creek, then fell out, came toward the lip low, pushed out to clear it, sunk, arms extended, so tried to land on my belly, saw I was going to crash hard, so let go of the bar and swung though, and only slightly bent one down tube, bruised my thigh, and the crash pulled my parachute out of its bag, so I repacked it later.

James had had a worse one, got popped, then there was nothing, and he fell in hard in a stall, broke a downtube and bruised his forehead pretty badly, but was okay. I let him have my spare downtube and batten shaft, as he'd also broken a batten.

I found a campsite, next to Tom and Denise's. Stretch and Anne joined us there, but then decided to go to Rich's, as they had to make a repair on Anne's radio, so I gave them my Litek vario to repair too, as the audio unit had been knocked loose and a couple of wires pulled loose.

Another guy (from Petaluma) named Bill (Vogel), and his girlfriend MaryAnne, joined us also. He'd been to Usal, had seen Bones and Sharol, but had come to Elk when it wasn't soarable there.

He was a "camper in style," with large comfortable tent, big air mattress, an auto vacuum cleaner with which to blow up the air mattress, a 2WD Blazer, campstove and lantern, chairs, table, etc. He's an executive with Xerox, who recently moved up to Petaluma from Walnut Creek. They were nice.

Also Tom and Lin Denny showed up later, and shared Denise and Tom's spot, which gave us another 4WD vehicle, which seemed necessary at that time. So we all had a nice evening together.

In the morning, Mike Kunitani showed up with his Land Cruiser, and Stretch and Anne came back. I talked awhile with Jim, also a computer programmer type, working for Safeway.

Eventually, it was time to head up the mountain again. Roy had also showed up. Stretch, Anne, and Tim rode up with me, as James had decided not to fly, but he rode up with Roy and drove the Scout back down for me.

It was a mellower day, soarable again from the west. I launched about fourth and soared around with Stretch, Anne, and others awhile. But it was a challenge to stay up, so the skies didn't get crowded.

Doug, Tom Denny, Roy, and others got flushed very quickly, and eventually Stretch left too. I was up with Stretch, Tom Hazelwood, and eventually Mike, until I finally decided to leave after an hour or more.

Made a good landing this time, which made me feel good, had one hour and thirty-five minutes, after two hours and twenty-five minutes the previous day.

James drove down, and loaded up our gear from the campground while I folded up my glider, but he didn't notice that Tim's glider bag was in the Scout, and we didn't notice it until Hopland, when we were transferring all our gear to John Erickson's truck.

John had stopped to see if we needed help. We did. A noise in the running gear had persisted all the way. We thought it was a U-joint going out. Finally we stopped to look. The left rear wheel was hot and seemed to be pulling off the axle.

More later; got to go now.

6:31 PM

My mind has been split between various concerns today: 1) how to get my Scout home from Hopland, 2) my letter to Meredith and how she might react to it, and 3) my class tonight, seeing Julie again and wondering if anything might happen with us. My level of confidence in myself isn't very high.

Back to last night. The problem is probably the left rear wheel bearing giving out (the noise), and the wheel trying to slip out, off the axle, also rubbing the side of the brake shoe probably, heating it up so much.

The only part which fell into place is when John Erickson pulled over to offer us help. We drove across to the gas station to ask if I could leave the Scout there.

Then the right rear tire went flat, with a loud hiss. The tread was very thin, and there was a bad split. So I better get another tire tomorrow. (There's a sale at 4 Wheel Brake).

Anyway, we changed the tire, unloaded the Scout, loaded the gliders onto John's truck, parked the Scout behind the gas station, and headed home. Was glad I live close to the Freeway, so as to minimize the distance out of John's way. Was very grateful to him.

Ivan offered to help me get the Scout back if he could, but the rental place I called said I needed a half-ton truck or bigger to haul a vehicle trailer. I may have to wait for Mel to get back.

Wednesday, April 25, 1984 - 6:21 AM

A chilly morning with some high clouds. Yesterday was very breezy, with north winds.

Driving by Mel's after buying a new tire for the Scout, I saw that both his vehicles were there, so I stopped in, and found him home. Stayed for an hour, talking about his trip, a close call they'd had, driving off the road, but luckily surviving with little if any damage to the van, the weekend at Elk, and my problem with the Scout.

He agreed to go with me to bring it back this morning, so that's a relief.

We had a light earthquake yesterday at 1:16. I was on the toilet at work when things began to sway for about thirty seconds or so. The epicenter was south of San Francisco near Morgan Hill, and it was a 6.2, so they felt it much more down there.

Thursday, April 26, 1984 - 6:32 AM

Had a successful trip with Mel to go get the Scout yesterday morning. He came by at 7:30 with his truck, and we went to the rental place where we got the vehicle trailer. Then on up to Hopland, where I put the new tire on the Scout, then we loaded it on the trailer and headed home, dropping it off at the Chevron place, where Don had me put it right on the lift.

I was very grateful to Mel, but he would only let me buy gas. I owe him a few.

Went to work at 12:30, and made a little progress with the re-org program.

Saturday, April 28, 1984 - 6:37 AM

A nice sunny day. I'll go to Elk with Mel just for the day, use tomorrow to get organized better, and catch up on stuff.

It was a frustrating day at work yesterday, proceeding toward a test which didn't work, and negated the whole approach I was taking, so I had to back up and start over.

Talked to various people about flying last evening. Hank called, wanted to go to Hull, but I couldn't find much other interest in that, as it's been too windy all week. Also Mike Kunitani called. And I called Mel, James, and Ivan.

Sunday, April 29, 1984 - 10:26 AM PDT

Added an hour to the clocks today.

Had a good flight at Elk yesterday for three hours, and got up to 7950' where it was freezing. But it ended on less than a perfect note when my wingtip hit a tree on landing, spinning me gently around.

Rode up with Mel and Lynne in his truck (she hadn't been going to go when he invited me, but evidently changed her mind, so it was a bit crowded). We stopped at Rich Sauer's. Mel hadn't been there before, and he was very much impressed.

Also at Elk were Mike Kunitani, Barry, Doug, Steve Little, and later Stretch, Anne, Roy, Rich, and Erin, among others. I rode up with Mel and Lynne, and we got set up. It was soarable over the north bowl, though there were flush cycles as well.

I launched near the end of a long cycle, and immediately climbed out in a couple of soaring passes, high over launch. Occasionally, some very strong thermals would come through, and we would climb thousands of feet to 6000' or more, where it was very cold. One guy turned south (downwind) and flew to Kona Taay on Clear Lake.

It was a day for going south, but I didn't feel like the hassles of getting back, so stayed near the mountain. In one smooth thermal, I got to just under 8000', but it was very cold.

Stretch, Anne, and Roy eventually arrived and launched. Roy got up but had problems with his variable billow rope on his new Sensor. Anne eventually got up also, but Stretch missed it, and got flushed before too long, which was surprising.

On my landing, the winds were switchable but coming out of the west as I approached. I turned over the creek and made my last approach diving over some boys playing in the creekbed, who seemed worried as I dove over them, was streaking over the grass in no wind, seeing a ditch and puddle ahead of me, and not even noticing the tree to my left, and was surprised when my wingtip hit it, pulling me around. My knees dragged on the ground, but there were no injuries to me or glider.

Eventually we headed home, stopping at Burger King south of Ukiah for salad. At home I relaxed, watched some TV, and took a bath, before going to bed.

Thought a lot about Meredith all day, weighing how to respond to her letter. The big remaining issue, I feel, is her "cover story," which she still seems to be sticking to, which denies the truth of her own journal, places blame on me (because of something she can't accept in herself) and blocks her from being friendly to me (because I know the truth, perhaps). How to deal with this will be very tricky.

Saturday, May 5, 1984 - 10:32 AM

A sunny but chilly day, with north winds. Stayed in bed 'til 8:30, didn't go running, have been leisurely getting up.

My mood has improved over the past couple of days, and it relates, I think, to Meredith's being willing to communicate with me again, perhaps having some realization of how she's treated me, and wanting perhaps to atone.

Talked to Jon about our flying trip to Mt. St. Helena on Sunday. We could use some drivers, so I'll call Janice.

Came home. Tried to call Janice, but she wasn't home.

Got some Velcro and Velcro cement and worked on my harness and camera mounts. Watched some TV, then at 10, went to bed.

Thinking of going out to Goat Rock. I'll call and see how windy it is.

Sunday, May 6, 1984 - 7:38 AM

A sunny morning. We'll be flying Mt. St. Helena today, if it's not too windy. James, his brother-in-law, and Jim (curly hair) will meet at my house to head over there.

Yesterday, I kept busy at one thing after another, from weeding the front yard, later mowing it, reading, sorting stuff, but in terms of results, not that productive a day.

Also went shopping, and visited Mary and Dennis awhile, taking over my bulbs that I'd gotten last Fall and never planted, to give to them for their new house.

Called Janice, but she had plans for today. We told each other what we'd been doing recently.

It was blown out at Goat Rock, so I didn't go out there.

Talked to Ivan and James last night.

Monday, May 7, 1984 - 7:30 AM

I'm feeling a bit down after an unsatisfactory flying day (for me) and a poor night's sleep.

James and his brother-in-law, Jim (a driver) arrived in the morning, so we loaded gear and gliders, and soon Jim from Mill Valley also arrived, so we headed out to the landing area at Franz Valley to meet Ivan, who was waiting there. Parked the Scout, and loaded all the gliders on Ivan's truck and headed to the Gliderport to meet the others.

It was a big group, with Jon, all the Napa gang except Gilbert (Art, Jim, Ken, Tom), Tom Denny, Mel, Hank, Mike Kunitani, Dave Thor and a friend from Mill Valley, and us. Roy, Stretch, and Anne decided not to come.

First we worked, to put some posts in the ground to block the access road, a stupid idea, but something we'd agreed to do for the Rangers, as they wanted that road to go back to nature.

Finally we carried our gliders and gear the one quarter to one half mile out to the launch area, then set up our gliders.

Jim, with the Comet-2, launched first, was able to get up, then sunk out a bit, so headed out, but found thermals on the way, circled up, got high enough to get back over the mountain, which was encouraging.

Then Ken Lloyd, who scratched low, finally got over to the next ridge, and also got up. James was next, and then me.

I decided to head over to the next ridge quickly, but didn't find much there, so headed on around the next one, where it appeared people had been finding lift.

But I found only marginal lift, made a few passes, but was getting lower in a canyon far from the LZ. I figured I'd better head out, or be in even worse trouble, so I did, heading for the alternate (emergency) LZ at Yellow Jacket Ranch, getting only occasional marginal lift on the way.

I did get a light thermal near the LZ, but it didn't hold, and it appeared I had to land. Tried to figure the wind direction, but got it wrong. It was actually SW, but I thought it was NW, so I setup to the south, made my approach low over the fence, then south, but then I started climbing (as I was getting ridge lift from the SW) and my nose pointed SW, and I had to fight to bring it back over the sloping strip, which I did, but flared and crashed in hard, right in an old ashy burned area, taking out my left downtube, and bending the right one too.

But I wasn't hurt, felt okay, but disappointed with my flight. I turned out to be the only one who had to land there, though Tom S., Art, and Mike Kunitani also circled there low, but went on to the main LZ.

Mike didn't quite make it across the road, but made an emergency landing in a short field on the near side. When I saw him leave, I didn't think he'd make it. More later.

8:49 PM

A busy day.

Continuing... Came on home pretty tired last night, and discouraged with Mt. St. Helena, feeling I'll probably pass on future opportunities to fly there. But we'll see.

Relaxed and went to bed around ten.

This evening I've been busy since getting home. Took the glider into the back yard, and replaced both downtubes. Also cleaned it up, taped some small tears, and finally put it away.

Then I worked on my motorcycle (a 1970 Honda 350CB named Pegasus), getting the battery out to charge it, as I told James I'd give it to him, had asked him if he were interested.

He'd said, "Sure."

It has just been sitting in my garage, collecting dust since hang gliding had taken its place in my psyche, a better form of flying.

Went to Safeway. Got some purified water, added it and put the battery on charge. Finally, I washed up and wrote this.

My knees were sore today, probably from carrying my glider all that distance to launch yesterday.

Wednesday, May 9, 1984 - 6:32 AM

Another short run today, on a clear day. Had a productive day at work yesterday, finally completing the Jury database reorganization in the test system. Today I'll put it into production.

After work, I worked on my instruments, replacing the bracket on the vario with a Velcro arrangement, as Stretch had shown me.

Went to the Sonoma Wings meeting at Eric's house. Gordon was there, had recently gotten back from a winter in Palm Desert, where he'd flown almost every day, and worked in a hotel as a bellhop. Sounded real nice.

We didn't go on too long for a change, were finished talking around 9:15, so we showed some movies. I left before ten.

Have been feeling pretty good for the past few days.

Saturday, May 12, 1984 - 8:20 AM

I've been getting up leisurely, to go to Hull Mountain for the weekend, my head full of inner thoughts.

After work, I put the battery (which I'd been charging) back into Pegasus, and tried to start him up. The starter wouldn't engage, though the solenoid clicked, and the battery seemed strong. But after pumping the kick starter for awhile, I was able to get it started.

Later I rode to the bank for some money. Talked to James later, will ride it over to his house Thursday night, and stay for dinner.

Monday, May 14, 1984 - 7:31 AM

Home from an exhausting weekend at Hull, a nice flight on Saturday, disappointment on Sunday, as the weather turned weird.

Got off late, after nine, on Saturday, very tired. Stopped for coffee in Hopland. It was windy, so I decided to go by Elk on the way. But to my surprise there was no one at Elk, no windsock, no hang gliding people, so I cruised on over to Hull.

There I found Bones and others, at the campground, folding up gliders after a first flight. Also, Denise, Mel, and Lynne were there, as well as Lester of UP, and his pretty girlfriend, Cynthia, and Bill Vogel and Maryanne. Mark Bennett landed soon, also Carl, and Sharol, who drove the truck down, and Ivan was still flying for awhile.

Eventually we loaded gliders for a second trip up the mountain, and I would fly a C2 that Bones had, for a demo flight. We set up at the Rockpile, and I launched after Denise at about 3:50 PM.

Made a few passes in front of launch, getting over the top, then, after Bones was pointing and shouting (trying to show me where Denise had gotten up in a big thermal), I headed out, and over Timberline I encountered a strong thermal and circled on up.

Mel also launched soon, on a 185 Comet he was demo'ing, and he was soon getting high also. I went back over the top a few times, over to Windy Gap once, and back to Red Spot, where there were consistent thermals. My hands were cold though, as I'd lost my gloves, so eventually I headed for a cloud over the dog leg at about 7000' (I'd been to about 7900' or more).

More later, got to go to work.

5:04 PM

Just went grocery shopping after work. Now to continue...

On Saturday's flight, I didn't find any lift near that cloud, actually it was further away, so I headed on out the lower ridge, found some lift over the knoll, then headed on out over the lake and around the air strip, still with 5000'.

Finally came in, set up a landing, and did a good one, without dropping the nose, but almost fooled by the gradient. I liked the C2 for handling and performance, but still don't like the setup complications.

After packing up our gear, we all headed for the cabin which Bones and Sharol had rented up at Pillsbury Ranch, for dinner and relaxation.

Poor Sharol had blown a launch at the Rockpile, wasn't hurt, but broke her downtubes. Her basebar hit a rock. It could have been much worse.

We had a nice dinner of chicken, beans, etc. Afterwards, people played poker, but I was exhausted, read awhile, then went to bed around ten. But I didn't sleep well, was tossing and turning all night long.

On Sunday morning, we got up and made breakfast, then loaded up our gear and headed back to the landing area around ten, where we loaded gliders on trucks (Roy had arrived too), and eventually headed up the mountain.

But strange weather prevailed. First it was blowing from the SE. Then it switched suddenly from the NW and stayed strong. There were launchable cycles, but we'd heard by radio from Mel that it was blowing from the NW in the LZ, so no one launched, and eventually we all folded up and headed down.

I was very tired, soon said my goodbyes, and headed home, stopping at Burger King for a salad on the way.

Got home by seven, watched 60 Minutes and part of a movie, went to bed at nine.

Slept pretty well, was partially recovered by today, but still didn't want to get up.

Today's very windy outside.

Tuesday, May 15, 1984 - 6:23 AM

Was awake for a long time, thinking about various things, including whether to enter the Regionals, as I had planned earlier. It's at Dunlap (where I've never flown) from July 4th through the 8th.

Saturday, May 19, 1984 - 9:56 AM

Last evening after work, I started up my motorcycle, then called James to tell him I was ready to bring it on over.

So I took my last ride on Pegasus, my old faithful flying horse, who has stayed neglected in the garage for the last five years or so. And he ran wonderfully, it was a nice ride out to Occidental. And I gave him to James, who may take better care of him.

We had a nice dinner of barbecued chicken, potatoes with cheese, salad and bread, and nice conversation. James will be flying at Mt. St. Helena today with a few others, but I decided not to. James drove me home.

It's a sunny warm day out.

Sunday, May 20, 1984 - 8:20 AM

Lengthened my run to two miles today (up to the track, plus four laps). Up early on a sunny warm Sunday morning.

Today I want to finish the letter to Meredith, and may go flying at Goat Rock if it seems promising.

Called James last night, and he said I didn't miss much at Mt. St. Helena. He had two hours scratching, never got above the mountain (had launched first). Jon and Mike got flushed, had to land on a hillside. The others made it to the LZ, but without getting much. So I was glad I didn't bother.

Thursday, May 24, 1984 - 6:38 AM

It was windy and hot yesterday, will be hotter still today, and through the weekend, they say. The timing doesn't look good for Usal, unfortunately.

Friday, May 25, 1984 - 6:41 AM

Called Mel and Ivan, and talked to Tom last night. Tom's going to Oregon, but not much in the way of other plans are happening, so I guess I'll stay around here.

Saturday, May 26, 1984 - 10:05 AM

A hot Saturday morning. Yesterday I got another letter from Meredith. It was both a good one and a bad one. She said she had a hard time dealing with my letter, and seemed to have misunderstood what I was trying to say again, which is very frustrating. So I spent some time being upset by her letter and drafting a response.

Ivan called. They had plans to fly Mt. St. Helena. I said I wasn't really interested, that I might go to Goat Rock, which I plan to do soon.

God, am I lonely these days. I need someone to love. Meredith says I shouldn't let my sense of self-worth reside in someone else. But the feeling I have is that my life is empty without a love, even though I know it's a projection. I've tried hard, but can't seem to establish a personal relationship with my own soul, I can only do it by projection.

1:20 PM

A very hot day. But I called the Coast Guard around 10:30 and it was already blowing 15 knots from the NNW, so I figured it was blown out.

Sunday, May 27, 1984 - 10:17 AM

Another hot one, even hotter today.

Yesterday I drafted a response to Meredith, mostly conciliatory and loving, but stating my frustration at being misunderstood, quoting the passages I was referring to. Also, I expressed my appreciation for her communication. Still not quite finished.

Monday, May 28, 1984 - 9:35 AM

I went out to Goat Rock yesterday, fighting the Memorial Day traffic through Guerneville, passing through Duncans Mills, where it was very windy, so that I thought it was probably blown out, then got to Goat Rock to find it dead calm, with only an occasional wisp, but cool and nice.

Anticipating that it would pick up as forecast (15 - 25 knots), I started to set up my glider, far enough to spread a wing under which I could sit and read until it showed more promise.

At 2:45 it started to pick up, to 5 - 7 knots or so, which made me hopeful. Then Jon James arrived, and we both set up and waited. But to no avail. It even got to over 7 or so.

Finally, at 5:15, we decided to fly to the beach, since we were all set up anyway, and the beach wasn't so crowded anymore.

Jon went first. Then the wind went completely dead. I launched anyway, flew on down, set up a landing, scared a few people, but there was no wind and I came in on my belly, too pushed out to even go to the downtubes, not a good landing, but at least I didn't hit anybody. Then we folded up and went home, via Coleman Valley Road to avoid the traffic.

Wednesday, May 30, 1984 - 6:44 AM

A foggy morning, the first in a long time. A frustrating day at work yesterday, as the computer was up and down several times, making it difficult to accomplish much.

Wrote an application letter for the Regionals at Dunlap, July 4th through the 8th, and included my check. So that commitment to myself is made.

Thursday, May 31, 1984 - 6:40 AM

Sunny again, still very warm. There was an eclipse of the sun yesterday, only partial for us, twenty percent max.

Worked an hour late. Then I was pretty tired, so relaxed and watched TV. Saw Three Days of the Condor again, for the umpteenth time (probably eight or more), another of my favorite movies.

Then I read in my '77 journal some more, which was interesting. Finally went to bed, was alternately hot and cool, turning the fan on and off, but eventually slept okay.

Noticing that being able to express my feelings to Meredith has helped me, in that I feel a period of peace or emotional calm once I've written and sent the letter, and now it is without the worry of whether she'll ignore me, reject me, or what-have-you. Also a feeling of being heard, of really communicating, and that there is some care for me, which was missing for a long time.

Friday, June 1, 1984 - 7:34 AM

Overslept this morning until 6:50, so didn't get a chance to run. Another sunny day, probably hot.

Worked an hour late last night. Then to Mary's house for dinner. She told me yesterday that she wants to sell her glider and gear, is ready to give up that dream. She still has the parachute I gave her, and the vario, both presents unused, over $500 worth. Oh well, I can understand.

5:43 PM

I got a very nice letter from Meredith today, am finally able to feel okay about her, that perhaps we are even friends. It makes all the struggle to reach through to her these past few weeks worthwhile. I finally feel heard, understood, even cared for.

Saturday, June 2, 1984 - 7:48 AM

Up and getting ready to leave for Hull.

Last night I called a lot of friends about weekend plans. A few of us are going to Hull Mountain. Talked to Sharol, whose mother died last week, also Jon, James, Stretch and Anne, Mel, and Tom Denny.

Still feeling good about Meredith's letter. Wrote her a card to get in the mail, thanking her.

Monday, June 4, 1984 - 7:19 AM

Skipped my run this morning to conserve energy for the day. Had a tiring weekend, mostly driving, though, with very little flying.

Went to Hull first, getting off by 8:15, but arrived to find it blowing through the landing area strong from the NW. Also there, were Gordon, Tom, and Denise. Tom and Lin Denny had left for the top. Also there were some Bay area pilots.

It was still early, 10:30, so I suggested that Usal would probably be good. Tom and Denise, and Gordon concurred, so we decided to go. Called Tom and Lin on top, and it was blowing over the back up there, so they said they'd come also.

So we headed out, meeting Jon James, who joined us, and later Bones, who also joined us. Gordon left his truck on 101, and rode with me, and we cruised on up to Usal.

There were lots of white caps, so it looked good when we arrived, though it wasn't blowing up the bluff much. We started setting up, but soon it was gusting through the setup area from the NE. Too strong to set up the gliders, so we gave up after awhile. With wind from the NE, we were disappointed.

Eventually Tom, Denise, and Gordon, also Jon, left for home. Tom and Lin, Bones, and I decided to stay overnight, and it was a pleasant place to be. Later we got a fire going, once the wind calmed down, and had some dinner.

I put my tent up on the edge of the bluff, a nice spot. Occasionally during the night I'd hear a thermal down below, moving up the hill through the trees, getting louder and louder, then suddenly my tent would go crazy, blown around as it passed through. But I had it staked down securely, was comfortable, and slept okay. Got up after eight on a nice Sunday morning, had a leisurely breakfast.

What wind there was was from the south. We kept hoping it would pick up and come in from the NW, but it never did. Finally at 2PM, it was blowing strong, but from the south, so Tom and I decided to give it a try, and set up our gliders, thinking there'd be some lift.

I launched off the SW bluff into a 15 mph wind, but didn't go up, just headed out to the SW, sinking, finally turned downwind and streaked for the landing area, looking for bowls that might have lift on the way, but there was nothing.

Came out over the beach, turned back into the wind, parked and came straight down in a 20 to 30 mph south wind. Had a good landing then carried (wire walking) my glider back to the grassy area where it was still very windy.

Tom followed, but sunk out and did a downwind landing up the beach, taking out both downtubes, but fortunately, he wasn't hurt. He'd sunk so fast over the ocean that he didn't have enough altitude left to turn back into the wind for his landing.

Bones came down to get us, and we headed back up. Soon we were packed up, and left for home. I stopped at O'Hara's for a burger and coffee, and Bones joined me for a beer. Then we headed home, Bones and I sticking together most of the way, talking by CB occasionally.

Relaxed at home and went to bed around 10:30. Slept pretty well.

Tuesday, June 5, 1984 - 6:36 AM

Back from my run. Today is sunny with some clouds, after yesterday's overcast and rain.

Was very tired at work, but kept busy. Came home after work, then did laundry at the laundromat. Came home and relaxed.

Also last night I got and wrote a sympathy card for Sharol.

Friday, June 8, 1984 - 7:17 AM

Sunny again, a nice weekend expected.

Computer problems kept us from being very productive yesterday afternoon, so I came home at my regular time (4:30).

Mel called. He hurt his thumb badly yesterday, was in a lot of pain.

Saturday, June 9, 1984 - 8:15 AM

A sunny clear Saturday morning. I'm waiting for Bones and Duane, with whom I will go to Hull Mountain. I had thought I'd stay and go to the Health and Harmony Faire, but changed my mind.

And it's going to be hot this weekend, so Hull would be a good place to be, though we are somewhat worried that it might be too windy again, but hope not.

Also talked to Mel and James last night.

But I was awakened just after midnight by a call from the computer center. Took me awhile for that part of my brain to awaken, before I could understand what she was telling me.

Bones is here.

Sunday, June 10, 1984 - 4:36 PM

The Hull Mountain trip was a waste, except for some fun exploring the Pillsbury Ranch on Saturday, some humorous relating at the campground, and some good talks on the way home. No flying however, as it seemed to be a repeat of last weekend as far as the winds were concerned.

Duane, Bones, and I rode up in Bones' yellow Toyota truck (converted to a station wagon). I rode comfortably in the back on the way up, happy to have the company and to leave the driving to Bones. We had breakfast at the Bluebird Cafe in Hopland.

When we got to Hull, we knew it was blown out, with winds from the NW blowing through the LZ. So we decided to go up with Bones to look at a cabin he was thinking of buying up there in Pillsbury Ranch. It was nice, but looked like it needed too much work. Then we explored other roads before heading back to the campground.

I found a dead duck in the grass on the way back to the campground from the outhouse. Took its pretty wing back to camp.

Eventually we made a fire and had dinner, borrowing Tim's grill while he was asleep. Duane is a funny man, and we kept a humorous repartee going for much of the time.

The wind remained strong and got chilly, so we retired soon after 9PM, to the warmth of our sleeping bags. During the night, I was repeatedly kept awake by gusts blowing through, flapping my tent walls violently. It made me think about tornadoes and falling trees.

Got up early, as the sun warmed my tent, had coffee, eggs, etc. Soon it was windy again, so we packed up and left, heading first for Elk to see if it was flyable there.

But it was too northeasterly, so we decided to head on home. Stopped in Hopland, where I bought a Red Tail Ale T-shirt at the Hopland Brewery.

On the ride we had a good talk about life, love, our patterns, the pains of love, our younger days and adventures, etc., a very good sharing.

In the mail today, I found a response from Connie Bowen to my Regionals entry. She thanked me, told me I'd given her all the info she needed, and that my number would be 4, and my campsite, 13. I was pleased by my number, and felt good about the letter.

Monday, June 11, 1984 - 6:41 AM

Slept poorly last night, tossing and turning 'til late. Stayed up until eleven watching a play on Masterpiece Theatre called "The Good Soldier," about phoney relationships in the early 1900's between husbands, wives, and lovers, a very sad story, as their lives lacked real meaning, their relationships were contrived for the sake of appearances, and they weren't really honest about their feelings, couldn't be. Very tragic and sad.

Mel called earlier. He'd been to Elk, and we commiserated about the winds. He said that putting his cut thumb in hydrogen peroxide had helped, which I'd suggested.

Today will be very hot I think, as it is already.

Thursday, June 14, 1984 - 6:32 AM

Foggy again today. It was sunny and windy yesterday.

Last evening I worked until six. Jon James called. He said Hank had been up for a visit, and that there wouldn't be a newsletter this month. So we'll call people about the Sonoma Wings club meeting at Denise's house on Tuesday evening.

Also I called Michael Cate. Was surprised when Marty told me they were living separately now, but that they might get back together.

So I called him at his new number. He was quite depressed about the breakup, going through a lot of grief, and seeing a therapist. We talked about it for quite awhile. Marty evidently has a lover.

He said he'd thought of me a lot recently, wants to get together and talk soon, maybe come on a flying weekend with me. He'd only been to Dillon Beach once recently, and it had been blown out.

I felt for him, told him to call anytime.

Also he said he might come down to the Regionals to see me then. He also said he'd gotten interested in astrology recently.

Watched some more TV, then went to bed around 10:30. Slept okay.

Saturday, June 16, 1984 - 7:29 AM

Up early, hoping to go flying, but haven't gotten much response from anyone else. Just talked to Jon, and he'd decided not to go, though he said Hank and Charlie Carlson would be at Hull yesterday and today.

Talked to James and Mel last night, who aren't going, and Tom Denny, who wants to go somewhere, but I just called his house again and he'd gone to Mt. Tam.

Tom and Denise have gone to Indian Valley, and I couldn't reach Stretch and Anne. Bones and Sharol aren't going anywhere.

So now I'm at a loss as to where to go, what to do. Could stick around here, do projects, read, go to Goat Rock perhaps, and now that seems a better idea.

Last evening I worked late, came home and called people, watched TV, then went back in from 8 until 9:20. Came home again, watched some more TV.

Now I'm feeling very indecisive. If I knew Stretch and Anne would be at Hull, I'd go there.

7:53 AM

Just called Stretch and Anne, no answer. Then I called Roy. His mother said they've gone to Indian Valley. So that settles it. I won't be going to Hull Mountain.

I'll spend the day getting organized, being productive.

Sunday, June 17, 1984 - 8:42 AM

Another nice sunny day. I'm afraid I missed some good flying this weekend, but that's okay.

Monday, June 18, 1984 - 6:30 AM

After spending yesterday morning reading, I headed out to Goat Rock in the afternoon, where I finally got to fly. Got there around 1:30 and it was almost soarable. Sam, the guy with the RC models, was there, said it had just begun to get windy.

So I set up my Comet, attracting many spectators. But when I was ready, it had dropped off to 8 or 9 mph. So I waited about ten more minutes until 2:30, when it got up to 12 to 15, and launched.

Worked my way above the cliff in two or three passes, and got comfortably high, so that eventually I made a couple of passes out to the rock and back, coming back at cliff level. Waved to people a lot.

Tom Sullau had arrived just before I launched, was now setting up, and eventually he was in the air with me. But after about an hour, the wind gradually died and we were both closer to cliff level. I would overtake Tom on his Raven, and it was getting too close, so I headed on out over the beach, made a pass back, then landed, a pretty good one in little if any wind.

When I'd packed up and walked up to get the Scout, Jon was at launch and it was soarable again, possibly stronger than before. I assisted Jon, then got the Scout, went down for my glider and gear, then drove on home. Was quite tired all evening.

Went to bed around 10:30, in a pretty good frame of mind, and slept well until 5 AM.

I think about the Regionals a lot these days. I keep telling myself I can do well, but I do have a fair amount of anxiety about them also.

Tuesday, June 19, 1984 - 6:47 AM

Running behind schedule as I fell back asleep for 17 minutes after the alarm went off. Stayed an hour late at work last night, then did my laundry.

Called Jon, then called some other people about the Sonoma Wings meeting tonight.

Watched the beginning of Pericles on Channel 9, but couldn't really get into it, so came to bed after ten. Slept pretty well.

Wednesday, June 20, 1984 - 7:17 AM

Nice weather, but getting fairly windy again.

Worked until 5:45 last night, then went to Mary's for dinner. She was on the phone most of the time I was there, first to Sharol, then to Mel. Mary's having a housewarming party Friday afternoon and evening. But she talked to Sharol mostly about Sharol's mom's death.

I had to leave for the Sonoma Wings meeting at 7:30, which was at Denise's house, not far away.

At Denise's house were Denise, Tom, Tom and Lin Denny, Bill Vogel, Jon, Ivan, Rick Kannisto and Marina, and Henry Sieck. Denise told me that Anne and Stretch had said to say hi, that they miss me. That made me feel good. She'd been with them at Indian Valley last weekend.

We talked about various things, but finally showed slides and movies. I left about 10:15, and came home.

Slept okay. Feeling okay, hoping for another letter from Meredith soon. The Regionals is taking more of my focus, and there is some anxiety. But that's okay.

Saturday, June 23, 1984 - 7:49 AM

Up and getting ready to go to Hull Mountain. I'll go by myself, but James will ride home with me on Sunday. Stretch and Anne were meeting Loni at the airport last evening, and they'll come up on Sunday, bringing James.

Sunday, June 24, 1984 - 9:32 PM

Got back this evening from a very nice weekend at Hull Mountain. A lot of good feelings and good flying.

On the drive up, I stopped in Ukiah to look at that Isuzu Trooper II that I'd noticed at that dealership on the way. It would make a very nice hang gliding vehicle.

On up to the campground, finding a number of friends; Jon James, John Blacet, Larry, and others still headed up; Tom and Lin, Ivan and Patti, Bones and Duane, and Tom, Carl, and others from San Francisco and south.

I decided to wait for Mike Kunitani, who'd called Thursday night, said he'd be there with Dallas and friends. They arrived around 12:30, and we loaded up and drove on up the mountain. A flat tire near Timberline delayed us for a few minutes.

Monday, June 25, 1984 - 7:19 AM

Continuing with my narrative... On top at Hull were Bones (about to launch), Duane, and others already launched.

I got set up near the Rockpile, launched at around 2:45, with Jon's assistance, into a thermal, turned left in the bowl, then back above launch, and on up over the lookout.

Jon said on the radio, "How'd you get way up there so quick?"

Got thermals over the ridge, East bowl, and eventually got to 9400' (my maximum), flying with Mike, Larry, and others. Flew out Windy Gap towards Sanhedrin, but turned back.

Later, Larry, Mike, and others went part way across. I followed Mike, went over the Polo field, eventually headed out over the campground, and landed after over two hours.

8:44 PM

I slept well on Saturday night, after cooking a steak over the fire for dinner, visiting later with Ivan and Patti for a little while.

There weren't many of my friends in the main campground. Bones and Duane camped on top. Tom and Lin Denny were elsewhere.

Earlier, I had taken a quick swim, which was refreshing.

On Sunday, after breakfast, I went on up the hill in Tom's truck. He's the cabinet maker from San Francisco and Philo, with the blue and white Comet.

I set up at the Rockpile and waited for others, particularly Stretch and Anne, whom I hadn't seen for awhile.

Tom Denny launched early, missed the best part of the day, and Bones and Duane didn't even bother to set up, and left early, a big mistake, as it turned into a very good day.

Finally, Stretch, Anne, Joe, Roy, and James arrived, and we greeted each other warmly.

And soon it was getting good, so I launched about 1:45, on the SW slot at the Rockpile, headed for the ridge, then came back but got low, headed down toward Lower Launch and the grass behind it, where I found a thermal, which gradually got stronger and eventually took me up to 9000' or so.

Then I stayed high with Mike, Joe, Roy, James, Ivan, and others, taking pictures. Got to a max of 9300' or so. Finally left the top after over an hour, at 8800'. It was getting quite turbulent up there.

Came out over the dogleg, where Stretch, Anne, and Mike were thermaling below. I circled with them in light lift, then found a strong thermal at 5700', which took me back up to 7800', still well above them.

Stretch and Anne headed across toward the Polo field to the west. I stayed and circled in that area. Watched a glider come in low and land on a road near the creekbed. Then saw Stretch coming out low and heading in to land at the campground. Thought it might be Anne who'd landed short, but it was Dave Thor.

Then I found Anne thermaling at about my altitude over the valley and the airstrip. So we circled up together, until she headed south, flying through a thermal. I stayed to circle in it, and it took me from about 6000' to 8000', then I followed Anne towards the dam, but was much higher now.

Joe over the dam

And beyond

Saw her turn back under me, but I went on, to find Joe circling in that area over the dam. Took some photos of him circling over the dam, before leaving at around 5200' to head back across the lake.

Passed over the campground and circled a little with Mike, who was still over the hillside. Finally came in and made a good landing, to end a very nice three-hour flight.

Anne had gotten back up, went back to the dam, and eventually landed also. Dale had a great flight on Anne's old Comet, and will buy it.

I finished off my film on Loni and Tera, and was greeted warmly by Loni (Stretch's daughter), not having seen her for two years. She'll be eleven this year.

More later.

Tuesday, June 26, 1984 - 7:26 AM

After flying on Sunday, and socializing with Stretch, Anne, Joe, James, Sandra, Loni, and Tera, I packed up my gear, and got ready to head home. James and Sandra came with me, leaving Tera to stay with Loni for a week or two.

We stopped at my favorite place on the Eel River for a refreshing swim, then buzzed on home in express time, having a good conversation with James.

Last night I watched My Dinner with Andre again, a good, stimulating film.

Went to bed after eleven. Slept well. A sunny morning today.

Friday, June 29, 1984 - 7:26 AM

A sunny morning. My thoughts are split between anticipation of the Regionals, to which I leave tomorrow, and feelings of abandonment by Meredith who hasn't answered my last two letters, just when I felt we had become friends again and achieved something extraordinary, and I sense that she still has negative feelings towards me that she hasn't processed, which makes me sad.

As to the Regionals, I have a mixture of fear; of putting myself on the line, of "not being good enough," or even of accident or death, especially since I've never seen the site, and don't know what to expect.

I feel how much easier it would have been for me to skip this challenge, with my habitual attitude of "I probably wouldn't have done that well anyway," so it would have just been a waste of time and effort.

But now I feel that I can do well, that I have a lot of support, outer and inner, that my life can be changed for the better by a positive attitude.

I see how much my attitude has been shaped by my father's prudence or over-prudence, and I wonder how much of that in me was a result of his great disappointment of being passed over for promotion in 1937 after a very successful stint as a destroyer commander. Was he disillusioned by the injustice of it, and did that attitude get passed on unconsciously to me? And can I break free of it, by taking risks and believing (or trying to believe) that I can succeed?

Slept only fairly well, after staying up until 11 watching 20/20.

Saturday, June 30, 1984 - 7:07 AM

Up and preparing for my journey to Dunlap and the Regionals. Slept pretty well last night, but now my thoughts are on this challenge, its meaning in my life, my regeneration, etc. I am scared, nervous, but will do what I have to do, take everything as it comes. And I keep telling myself, "I can win."

Last evening, Mary and I went to see The Natural, with Robert Redford, a strange dreamlike movie, but moving and inspirational. Not at all realistic, sort of a modern myth - fantasy, dreams of glory, overcoming tragedy and temptation. I could identify with the middle-aged hero in a sport of youth.

Also last night, I wrote a will, or a modification to my will, just as a precaution, needing to face that fear squarely.

It's a beautiful sunny morning. Now to get packed up and leave. Mary will have a key to the house, and take care of things for me.

5:18 PM - Dunlap, California

Here I am at the campground for the Regionals. Got here about 3:30 after a long hot drive down the Central Valley, past Oakland, Walnut Creek, Modesto, Merced, through Fresno and east to the foothills of the Sierras.

Thought a lot on the way about why I'm doing this (it seems almost like an ordeal), but have expectations that it will be worthwhile, perhaps in unexpected ways. Also that I need to "do something," rather than "coasting," always taking the easy comfortable path, a reassertion of the "life principle" in the face of inertia and slow death.

Got here to find hardly anyone here so far. A couple of gliders had just landed, so I went down to see, was pleasantly surprised to find Jon Minnick, who was as friendly as ever, and Howard Osterlund.

Have been taking it easy, having a beer with Jon, so far this afternoon, and putting up my tent.

It's a pretty site, a nice ridge to fly, and the landing area doesn't seem too bad after all, if the wind is the right direction.

Jon said there's a dance tonight, to which we may go. Also, Dick Cassetta is here, had a long flight today.

Sunday, July 1, 1984 - 8:06 AM

Had a fun night last night, partying at the local nightspot, the Pinehurst Lodge, with several other pilots (Jon Minnick, Dick Cassetta and his friend, Richard, as well as Dave and Connie Bowen) and a bunch of local women, several of whom I danced with. Felt like old times. I felt vigorous and attractive, danced most of the evening from 10 'til 12:30 or so.

An outspoken woman named Celie approached me first, liked my Red Tail Ale T-shirt. She described herself as crazy, had lived in Colorado, Florida, Washington, Pennsylvania, said she could write a book.

Later, I danced with Lisa, who looked 19, but was actually 30, a cute "baby face." She has a child, and teaches aerobics locally.

But I'd already noticed my favorite, Shirley, slim and blondish, blue eyes, reminded me of Sue. I caught her eye a few times, and eventually danced with her several times.

She's a Sagittarius, December 5, 1958, is 25, likes to party. She lives nearby, but has to commute an hour and a half to a job as a laborer in a park area. She said she's currently being hassled by a man who "thinks he owns me." She told me about a concert she's going to today, sort of inviting me.

But I told her I'd be flying. I told her about the competition, invited her to come over on Wednesday.

She has a holiday, and said she might.

After midnight I was pretty tired, so said goodnight to the various ladies I'd met.

Also forgot to mention that Elizabeth, the barmaid, a sexy dark-skinned lady, asked me to dance, and we did, and I also danced with a girl named Lori.

Decided not to look for someone to take me home. Avoided that issue and left. Though I felt that Shirley might have. She reminded me of Sue in her promiscuous Tahoe days. Earlier, I'd told her she was the prettiest lady there.

I'd like to take her home with me, though I can see it would probably be a big heartbreak eventually.

This pencil is out of lead, and I don't have any more.

End of Volume 33b